What happened to our big goals? Our big, hairy, scary, what-the-f*&$-are-you-talking-about? goals. The ones that make your family members scared for you. The ones that make us both nervous and excited. The ones that draw us in and compel us to try?
Where did those goals go? When did we stop dreaming?
For me, I used to dream about being both a business woman and a WNBA basketball player. Then I wanted to be a lawyer who also had a chain of hair salons. (lol don’t laugh, these were real dreams). Then, in high school, I dreamed about somehow working on economic development in West Africa so that one day, countries like Nigeria could be considered developed rather than developing (or worse, under-developed). Somewhere in between college and entering the working world though, my dreams got smaller. In fact, I stopped dreaming all together. I started just wanting to be able to pay my bills. Eat. Get to work on time. Get along with people who annoyed me. Find a nice man to date. Lose weight. Eat chocolate but not get fat.
All little goals. Boring goals. Definitely not compelling or exciting at all.
Mental pain ranks pretty high up there as one of the worst things ever. Feeling down, terrible, invisible, ignored, misunderstood, heartbroken or powerless is literally excruciating. It weighs down on you in the worst way. And it bleeds into your daily life – interactions with other people, getting shit done on a day to do, hell, even eating, becomes such a task that you end up wanting to with draw from it all.
The last time I had severe mental pain, I gained like 50 pounds and didn’t see anyone I loved for several months on end. It was atrocious. But real.
Anways, what I’ve learned is that when you’re in pain – especially when it comes to dealing with another person or other people – one way to address relieve yourself is to look at the situation from two truths.
I used to think that statement was really corny.
When people said it, I’d roll my eyes and think, how could there be no such thing as failure? Of course there’s failure, people fail every day and in every way.
But as I’ve grown a bit, I’ve come to realize that “failure” is all about perspective. You choose to see a thing as failure or not. Just because something didn’t turn out as you expected or hoped, that doesn’t mean it’s a “failure.” In most cases, it’s a pivotal moment – a learning lesson and an opportunity for you to correct course. Explore a different direction, opportunity or situation.
I spent some time on the tube today, watching videos as I prepare to really step fully into this new career and came across this talk where the Queen (aka Oprah) succinctly articulates the “no such thing as failure” idea; check it out below (only 8 minutes)-